Thursday, January 6, 2011

Crappy New Year!

I only hope the start of this New Year isn't going to be a reflection on the months to come or I may just start hibernating right now.

And my daughter did not have food poisoning by the way.

Ask me and my trusty bucket how I know.

Here are some highlights.

Thursday, Baby Girl shows up from college break so she can party all weekend with her friends.

Thursday night, Baby Girl gets home at 11:30 with funny stomach pains and by 2 AM has become best friends with our one and only toilet. All night long.

In the morning and thinking I'm being funny, I ask her if she'd like some Gorgonzola, olive, and pimento spread, on crackers. She almost cries, and don't worry, God got even with me later.

Friday. New Years Eve, Hans and I (slouching in our sweat pants) watch Dick Clark welcome in the New Year. We then try (unsuccessfully) to get a good nights sleep on our living room futon (with Wilbur firmly ensconced between us) because Baby Girl is languishing away in our King Sized Bed!

Saturday. New Years Day, I throw a pork loin and sour kraut in a crock pot because we all know eating pork on New Year's Day is supposed to bring good luck. Well, for everyone except the pig that is.

Then my vet tech daughter calls in hysterics because "I just totalled my car and I need you to come and get me!"

I go get her and Duncan (her pit bull) who she claims was scared to death, but judging from the tail and tongue wagging appears to have viewed the whole episode as one giant thrill ride. Luckily she's insured (for now anyway) and in her words, "I should be okay. None of my other accidents have been my fault."

Sunday. It's not until I've eaten my french toast and coffee that I realize my arms feel like rubber and it's now my turn to hog the bathroom.

Baby Girl decides this would be a good time to go home and leaves. A half hour later she's back because she can't find her wallet. A quick toss of the apartment does not produce said wallet and now it's back out to her car and our SUV to see if it might be there. I leave all this fun to her and Hans and crawl back into bed.

On my next potty race I find Hans looking baffled and Baby Girl in tears. They inform me that Baby Girl has now locked her keys in her car. Before we can all panic Hans remembers that I always keep a spare set of keys in a magnetic box attached to the frame of the car.

Disaster averted!

Except Baby Girl has that evasive look on her face and when asked if she's looked for the spare she says it's not there and, must have fallen off.

I point out that those boxes don't just fall off, she starts bawling, and I run to the bathroom.

Sunday Evening. After spending a freezing afternoon trying to break into the car Hans finally calls a towing company (which I'd said to do from the very beginning) which arrives a few hours later The car is unlocked within seconds and I get the fifty five dollar invoice. I'm hoping I won't be able to smell the pork and sour kraut that I know is being reheated now.

Monday Morning. After a restless night I wake up and tell Baby Girl to get her butt out there and tear that damned car apart and make sure her wallet isn't there. My Vet Tech daughter calls and asks if she can borrow one of our cars to go to the store, and I wonder why the hell we didn't try to get down to the boat last week.

Still Monday Morning. Eureka! The wallet is found! It was in a pocket in Baby Girl's computer bag. Hans makes the mistake of asking why she doesn't always keep it in the same place and didn't it even occur to her to look there first? I ask her why the hell she can't be bothered to carry a purse and her brilliant reply is, "Because I'd lose a purse." (Keep in mind she's from the generation that we hope will save us from ourselves!)

For this I make her use her car to take Vet Tech Girl to the store.

Tuesday. I'm no longer sitting on the toilet with a bucket in my lap but all I can do is sleep and try to drink gingerale, orange juice, and club soda.

Wednesday. Even though I was able to get a shower and do a much needed load of laundry (and of course the lock on the laundry room door broke and I couldn't get my key out!) Hans calls the boatyard and cancels our Thursday (tomorrow) launching. Which is a good thing because by late afternoon Hans inherited the throne and bucket. This is a bit scary because about 12 years ago Hans suffered from an esophageal tear after a bout of throwing up and received many pints of blood during his stay in the hospital. This is the first time he's thrown up since then and it's very nerve wracking!

Thursday. Hans doesn't like being sick, I need to get to the store today, and I just noticed that Wilbur didn't eat his breakfast this morning. I hope this has nothing to do with that clothes pin he ate or the fact that he de-maned Hans' Christmas lion, and plucked the eye's and nose from our little sailor bear.

We are now due to drive down to Charleston, SC on Monday, and hope to have the Knotty Cat in the water by Tuesday.

One of Hans' friends just called and invited him to go skiing on Saturday. What do you think I had to say about that?

UPDATE: Friday AM. My Vet Tech Daughter just called to let me know she spent the evening in the hospital last night. She's been throwing up for a few days and thought it was the flu. Now it appears it may be her gall bladder. Her car wasn't totalled but did suffer $6,000 worth of damage and will be gone for two weeks. I told her to please be careful with her rental!


  1. Scary, humorous, funny and glad to know our New Year didn't begin as yours did! It has to get better for you and Hans as the year progresses. Good luck with your boat. Wishing you the best for the rest of the coming year!

  2. Thank you! And as I'm sitting here typing this I just heard that the North East is due to get hit with more weather. They have got to be kidding!

  3. Laura....Remember Joe Btfsplk - that little guy on the Lil' Abner cartoons that had the dark cloud over his head? Me thinks you inherited his jinx! Hope things get much, much better - soon!



  4. Cyndi, I remember Joe very well!! When I was growing up our neighbor had a huge string of bad luck, and when she had to stay with us because her house burned down my sister made her a batch of pancakes that looked like a person's profile and then then added a big pancake cloud over its head.

  5. Oh, it's got to get better right? Sorry your family has been sick, and here's hoping that you find youself well and in Charleston by Monday! I love the way you make something so bad sound so funny! (Guess it wasn't to you)!

  6. Cheryl, I never knew it was possible to puke and cry at the same time! It was SOOO not funny!