Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Welcome to Miami whose motto is Yankee Go Home!

It was very exciting to actually motor past Hans' old family home in the Venetian Causeway area. We could have anchored there if we'd wanted to but the winds were too strong so we ventured onward.

We ended up anchoring in a very small yet pretty area called Sunset Lake near Belle Isle. It was here that it was pointed out to us that we, who have been on this earth for over 50 years each, are not nice people and are really the scum of the earth.

We had no sooner dropped anchor when a land owner buzzed over on his jet ski and informed us that we had a problem. Why we even talked to him I don't know. I guess we were just trying to be polite. But anyway this poor guy apparently has the nastiest wife in the world or as he put it, "My wife is driving me nuts! She won't leave me alone and insisted that I ask you to move." We told him we weren't moving and then when we informed him that Hans was from the area, it seems they actually know a lot of the same people. So things took a bit of a different turn and he said he'd tell his wife we're friends of his and that we could go ahead and stay but only for two nights.

Whatta guy!

Then since we were now good old buddies he filled us in on how awful his life is. Obviously forgetting that we were on a sail boat he told us how his wife can't function when dirty sailors drop anchor in their lake. She fears for their children's safety (like maybe we're all pedophiles), she can't open the drapes in her bedroom (like we really want to look at her anyway), and don't even get him started on the 'filthy Canadians' (and I only wish we had a Canadian flag on board as Hans is a citizen of Canada) whom he's had to chase away. His tactic is to move his motor boat out beside the offender and blast them with rap music until they leave. Personally I like rap music but I can't imagine his neighbors appreciate this. He pointed to various houses and told us to ask anyone and they'd tell us the same thing; all of the wives are miserable (I wonder what their excuse would be if they didn't live on a lake?). One neighbor even put up huge ugly privacy hedges so they wouldn't have to view our nasty boats and we wouldn't be able to spy on them all day. Oh, the sad sad life of the wealthy folks of Hysteria Lane.

And could we believe it? One sailor had the gall to tell him he should divorce his wife! When he finally left I laughed and said to Hans, "Guess who isn't getting any tonight."

The next day he came over again but we were down below and when Wilbur (who's pretty darn smart) saw him he went nuts. We didn't know he could bark like that and so Mr. C. went back home. We weren't so lucky on our third day when he returned again and this time he was very sad. "Now we really do have a problem." he mourned.


"My wife is hysterical and I can't take this anymore. She won't shut up! You said you'd leave in two days and you're still here. I can see I'm going to have to bring my motor boat out here and blast you with rap music."

Hans was very nice and informed him that we could stay for as long as we liked and did his wife has some psychological problems.

"She certainly does!! She's under extreme emotional duress because of you! She feels like a prisoner in her own home!" Then he told us that he wasn't sure if we were aware that during the night a storm washed through (we live on a boat! Of course we knew a storm washed through, who the hell does he think closed the hatches, our hired help!!) and he was sure our boat was going to drift into his dock and damage his boat, and that our anchor had dragged.

Our anchor did not drag we assured him.

Hans finally ended it by telling him we were leaving anyway and not because of him but because the winds were going to be in our favor.

All I know is that for the most part we had a very lovely weekend when we weren't being harassed (and that's exactly what it was and you didn't see us knocking on his door and telling him we thought his ugly house was offensive). On the other hand, he had to listen to his shrew of a wife, he had to come out to our boat three times, and he couldn't sleep one night because he spent it watching our boat.

I think it's true that money certainly can't buy happiness.

I wish I'd taken pictures of the lake but between going ashore, taking care of boat chores, and spying on the residents, I just forgot. So if any of you out there enjoy a spirited debate, I encourage one and all to please anchor in Sunset Lake while in Miami.

This is the only picture I took while in Sunset Lake. As our boat swayed on the hook, the palm trees would appear and disappear.

Finally, Ma and Pa Kettle and their fleabag pooch Wilbur, reanchored in another body of water.

After being treated like low life's in Sunset Lake, we decided to treat ourselves to a trip down South Beach, Miami, and there we were treated like royalty.

Wilbur went with us and you'd never know pit bulls are banned in Miami as I think we counted at least 4 of them along with an 8 week old pup. Wilbur was fascinated and got nose to nose with it but I didn't get any pictures.

Wilbur was hailed and cheered and petted and fawned over so much so that you'd have thought he was a visiting prince.

This is the hotel Hans' family used to own and it's in the Art Deco district. I'd never heard of this area and if you ever have the chance to come here you've got to see it. Block after block of renovated buildings and sidewalks full of cafes. We couldn't believe how busy it was for a Monday afternoon.

Hans and Wilbur taking a rest on the steps of the hotel.

Here we are in front of the church where Hans' father and his step mother were married.

Our handsome man sitting under the table like a good boy. South Beach is very pet friendly and they even bring water to your pooch if it needs it.

We ended up having lunch with a good friend of Hans' brother. Ros worked with Peter in Switzerland and now spends the winter months in Miami before going back to Geneva. We didn't get to spend much time with her but we had fun.

Sunset over Miami.

We passed up an iffy chance to cross to the Bahamas a few days ago but tomorrow the winds are supposed to be S SE 9-12 knots, becoming S SW with 2-3 foot seas so we're going to give it a shot.

Of course I ran into someone at the marina who told me that the people I saw arriving at the mooring beside us this morning, crossed over last night and they had 20 foot seas!!! We did hear about some Gulf Stream warnings but 20 foot seas?! I'm hoping to hell they were exaggerating as I'm sick to death of all the horror stories associated with the Gulf Stream.

So tomorrow at 4 AM we should be departing but Hans already knows if I'm not happy with how things are looking we are turning around and that's it!


  1. For the love of Pete....just what y'all needed...a tool of a guy and his seriously psychotic wife living on the very lake where you decided to spend a few, quite, restful days! Come on...does that guy think he owns the lake? And if his neurotic wife hates sail boaters so much, why in the hell did she move onto a lake? She must really think very highly of herself to think that everyone on the lake just comes there to spend their time spying on her. Sheesh! Okay...rant over!

    Glad the rest of your time in Miami was fun. Jeff travels to Miami on business at least once every 6 weeks...and he and his team always stay in South Beach. In fact, he'll be there next week - with me stuck here! I'm gonna tell him to go check out the Lords Hotel. Who knows, he may have stayed there before!

    Wishing you and Hans and the "salty dog" Wilbur smooth sailing and fair seas for your trip across to the Bahamas!



  2. Cyndi, it really was too funny. Hans did tell that guy he should move. It reminds me of the movie Overboard when Kurt Russell told Goldie Hawn she had nothing else to do with her rich bitch time! And you (and Noah) need to stow away on your husband's next trip to South Beach.

  3. Love your comment about money not buying happiness. This post about the man with the nice waterfront home, but also with the crazy wife and miserable life is a perfect example! Also shows how society is molded into believing that people who live differently (on a boat) are somehow at a lower level. Boy, they don't have a clue do they? Hoping you're now on an uneventful passage to the Bahamas!

  4. Wow, it seems pretty clear this is the guy who got the police to harass bright eyes. I'm sure all agencies of the police know this guy by name and his wife by reputation (if she even exists!)

    Good thing you were legal, that seems to be tactic 1. Bright eyes fell easily to that. The music thing is amusing. His batteries won't last forever! My guess is this guy knows what he is doing and will probably win most cases by making an annoyance of himself. Who wants to stay in a place like that? Maybe a good tactic would be to tell businesses that you patronize while there that you are leaving due to this guy. They might want to get involved. Probably not though.

    Now to the unbelieveable-I'm going to defend this guy. Not all boaters are the same. The proximity of the free dinghy dock near this location would attract all kinds. There are many homeless, alcoholics and sex offenders (who can't live in regular neighborhoods) who live on boats in Florida. For a few thousand -or even free sometimes-you can get a boat and live. These boats are frequently dirty and the captains unskilled.

    I'm sure boats have hit his dock and boat. He then finds out they have no money and no insurance to pay for the damages. Even Bright eyes has twice landed on private property without permission.

    The music trick was probably taught to him by an inconsiderate boater who blasted music and when he complained to the police was probably told there was nothing he could do. (A-ha!)

    After the large amount he must have paid for the property he is greeted by some scumbag (a sexy naked woman might be ok) deck showering in front of his windows. Is that what he paid for?

    I could see his point but that's life. Pass new laws(which is happening), sell the property or suck it up and deal. Sooner or later he will mess with the wrong people. He might give himself health problems (or rather more problems!) due to the stress he imposes on himself. You have to see that his life, self imposed as it is, is a hell. This battle will never end for him.

    By the way 3/9/11 NBC evening new reported that a boater using someones wi-fi (unpassworded) was trading in child porn. The police showed up to the poor homeowners house accusing him. It was later traced to the liveaboard. So two points. First there are a few scumbags out there as this guy has I'm sure seen. Second don't be surprised to see less of these unpassworded signals (I know you don't use them but many boaters do)


  5. Cheryl, it was a very odd feeling to realize that this man and his wife viewed us as being beneath them. I was always taught that everyone on this earth serves a purpose and no one is more important than anyone else!

    Anonymous, I understand where you're coming from but after a life spent in public service I usually mangaged to get my point across out offending. All he had to say was that he'd had problems with boaters in the past and that he had 24 hr video surveilance (which he can well afford)and had noted our boat's reg. # in case of a problem. This would most likely scare away the weirdos and make the others a bit more vigilant in their movements.

  6. The Camera suggestion is a good idea for him but it only solves some of his problems (and none of the mental ones!) A camera also does no good when the offending boat has no money and no insurance. I know your suggestion would have worked with you-not that you were causing, or about to cause any problems but it would not work with some others. Also, what makes you think he doesn't already have multiple cams out there??

    In doing some further research, this island has a homeowners association that makes it seem like its own country. This persons actions against boaters are only part of what goes on on that island (not that the homeowners association has anything to do with what happened to you). Too much money and not enough to do.

    Also, If I were you I would change the lead photo of this post. I could causeyou future problems. Nuff said?


  7. Sorry and nevermind. I though the lead photo was the guy from Belle Isle's house. I re read and saw it is not. I did look at Belle Isle on Google Earth though. I really don't get this guy now. The island, to me, would be hell on earth. It's way too overbuilt. Nothing but hotels and a few houses that have managed to hold out against the hotels. I would never want to live in a place like that. With that money, I could find myself a nice peice of land somewhere peaceful.


  8. The homes on Sunset Lake are near Belle Isle but not on Belle Isle.